


Dark on Me

by GoldGlazedFluff



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 22:37:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15229458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldGlazedFluff/pseuds/GoldGlazedFluff
Summary: A synopsis of Jin's progression from Lora to Malos and the years in between...But related to a song cos it fits!





	Dark on Me

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so my first attempt at a songfic, no clue if this is how you do it but I think it turned out ok?
> 
> Listen here if you want: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yntDx4Y4baw
> 
> P.S: There is a hint of abusive relationships towards the end so if you’re affected by that kind of thing, you probably should skip the end, you know how Jin end up anyways.

_****There’s no hate** ** _

How could he? He was her bodyguard, carer, friend and shoulder to lean on. He was supposed to stand beside his driver for the rest of her days, perform even the most menial tasks with her, support her in any way she needed, even if that was to stop being so doting. Jin had no desire to do anything else aside from be with his driver, both as a part of his very nature, along with feeling that nothing apart from that is necessary.

_****There’s no love** ** _

He knew that from the start. He knew he couldn’t harbour anything else but companionship and the dull sense of camaraderie towards her. Not that a kind of paternal love wasn’t socially accepted between drivers and blades - it was more that if Jin were to lose her, he would never know what he would do. Jin raised an emotional barrier that Lora could think she pushed through, but any true ‘love’ she thought she had from Jin had to be false otherwise Jin wouldn’t know how to cope. A kind of Eros towards Lora was out of the question; he killed her admittedly abusive father and even though he thoroughly deserved it, Lora was left without a father-figure and Jin wonders even now if her vacant gaze Jin sometimes caught her with is because of his actions.

_****Only dark skies that hang above** ** _

He acknowledged the war wasn’t a joke. With the limitless power utilized by the main combatants -the Aegises- any titan housing any civilization was under threat from the radius of the blasts. Having been donned an official Warrior of Torna, it was Lora’s job to defend the Titan, which meant putting her life in front of others, more so then she does already. This therefore meant that Jin was the front line of defense when it comes to engaging the enemy since Lora’s protection comes first. With Addam actively seeking the evil Aegis to quell with his own, Jin swore to him that he would defend his country from the Indoline troops seeking to ‘passively convert’ the citizens of other titans, any that cause trouble would be ‘righteously chastised’.

_****I call your name as I walk alone** ** _

Heading towards the Legendary Core Crystal room on this transport ship. Guns, blades, turrets; none can even graze Jin, nothing putting up a challenge anymore which allows him to wallow in his putrid memories. No matter how precious they are, the fact Jin wants to shout Lora’s name just to feel closer, for a chance that she would call his name back like she used to… it makes his heart clench with a human emotion he doesn’t know what to name. He remembers lapsing as he walks towards a group, the image of Lora flickers in his mind. He doesn’t recall feeling the pain of getting shot by a stray bullet from a solider he didn’t notice. Absently, he concludes that he will need healing back at the Monoceros -not before he finishes this mission though.

_****Send a signal to guide me home** ** _

Since he wishes Lora was still with him. There isn’t a day when Jin doesn’t think back to their perfect synchronisation in battle, covering each other's backs, hiding their weak points in each other. He wonders if Lora would be proud that Jin can fight so well on his own now, to only be swiftly reminded that he can only perform to his high standard because of Lora’s sacrifice. His life would be so much different if she was still here, and Jin has spent many a long night thinking about just what his life would look like if she wasn’t encased in ice. Torna has been Jin’s only home -with or without Lora, he is going to keep it the way he remembers.

_****Light the night up, you’re my dark star** ** _

The one person Jin could confide in. She was the only one he wanted to see smile because of his actions. Jin distantly remembers being able to play tag with a ten-year-old Lora, he always won but he never used his power to catch up to her. It was simply because his stride was far longer than her small legs but it was ok because Jin would pick her up and let her see the world from his shoulders, his shoulder plates almost perfectly moulded to accommodate growing legs.

Barely-there memories drift into then away from his mind; her goofy chortle when Jin tried to cheer her up after a long day; how she would complain about having veggies and Jin would always have to make some sauce to put with them; when the Tornan training camp sent the two off to defend a village that was full of old people constantly offering them food baskets for helping them. Lora would bright up any person’s day she came across, and Jin was there for her when she couldn’t keep it up. It was a perfect synergy.

_****And now you’re falling away** ** _

And it was one of the most painful experiences of his life. Not only because in that moment he became half human and faced his inevitable mortality, but the emotion brought about from losing someone so close to him was what brought about an unquenchable thirst for the death of all humans who ever think it’s ok to exploit other humans.  

_****But I found in you what was lost in me** ** _

A value to life. Jin saw very early on that if his driver were to die, then that meant the end of his existence as he knows it. He would be born again as if he never cherished the memories he had with others that he held close and for the first time... he became scared to die. He didn’t want his bond with the people he met; not just Lora but Addam, Haze, Hugo, Brigid and Mythra too; he didn’t want those bonds to be forgotten by his own mind. Though daunted by the prospect of eventually returning to his core and being re-summoned by someone likely totally different, he realised that he could give Lora a good life, and that if he did, he would be happy to return to his core crystal.

_****In a world so cold and empty** ** _

He discovered that nobody is not guilty of exploiting the weak. That life is unfair and many horrible people get fame, wealth and power simply because they were born with it and that’s the way the world works. Because of the way society is run, with the lucrative deals negotiated behind closed doors that always give the investor that little more of a cut, nobody in Alrest can say they are not involved in this corrupt loop of the rich getting richer and the poor left to die. In Lora and his time spent with Addam, he could see that there was hope for the world - that a chosen few can shake the world to make people realise the kind of facades they are falling for, even after the Aegis war, Addam went on to found his own private haven for people in only the most desperate circumstances to come and make a living for themselves.

_****I could lie awake just to watch you breathe** ** _

But without her body, Jin is alone. He may have her heart and the arteries connecting his synthetic body to a real human heart, but never again could Jin hold the young woman cut down so early on in her life.

_****In the dead of night, you went dark on me** ** _

And even if he does everything he can to suspend her life, she is essentially dead. Even if the technology was found that could revive her, there was no way she would be the same person, if not for the sheer fact she doesn’t have her heart anymore. It’s also extremely probable that Jin would have changed so much in her opinion that she wouldn’t even want to talk to him again because of the chaos he has done under Malos’ wing. If anything, he would only want to revive Lora at this point to tell her that he is so, so sorry.

**_**** _ **

**_**** _ **

**_**** _ **

**_**** _ **

_****You’re the cause** ** _

The reason why Lora is dead. It was ‘The Aegis War’ for a reason. Addam gave up everything to defend his homeland and Alrest itself from Malos’ carnal rampage, yet Jin finds himself standing beside the man everyday, resting a room away from him in a remote base deep under the cloud sea. In any other situation, if he still had Lora, Jin would kill to be in the position he is in now; to then sneak into Malos’ room and deliver a swift stab right through his core. However, Jin would also likely have been killed if it wasn’t for Malos rescuing him when he did, many Indoline troops scouring titans for survivors that can speak of the horrors Amalthus -the supposed ‘holy’ man- did during the war.

_****The antidote** ** _

Because despite everything that Malos has done, everything that Malos destroyed, he was the only one out of the hundreds in Mor Ardain after the war that took him in. Perhaps it was because of his reputation, perhaps it was because Jin was more angry than he had ever been in his life and Malos could feel it, or perhaps it was simply random chance. The latter was something he could never accept since in Malos, Jin found someone with an equally as muggy, human-hating story attached to dark eyes and an embrace that could warm the plains of Tantal.

_****The sinking ship that I could not let go** ** _

Since Malos became Jin’s everything. It was frighteningly quick after being collected from that dingy alleyway in Alba Cavanich that Jin relied on Malos for everything. Jin had lost his home, he had no gold -he only had his sword, which Malos guided him to use as a mercenary to get a little income in. Malos always took a small cut from whatever Jin earned, first to pay for his mask so that he wouldn’t be recognised anymore -though the people looking to kill him usually ended up dead before they could report his sighting. Malos continued taking cuts from Jin’s work, until one day he suddenly vanished.

_****You led my way then disappeared** ** _

For 50 years. 50 years Malos was gone and how was Jin supposed to know where he went?

_****How could you just walk away and leave me here?** ** _

And how was Jin meant to cope!? It was true that he built up his life again, but surely now it was just being totally deconstructed again! With a few jobs highly focused on butchering bandits rather than capturing livestock, Jin collected all the money he had made to make some trips around Alrest. It must have been fate that on one particular voyage, he overheard some Ardainians talking about their latest shipment of core crystals also housing some abominations apparently from some dead civilisation. Jin knew what he had to do.

Rescuing Akhos and Patroka certainly identified Jin as a threat and maybe it was because of Jin moving onto innocent people, did Jin hear reports of Malos making appearances. Stealing all the legendary cores from the very same shipment to Indol, Akhos and Patroka were equipped with the finest, most useful blades out there and Jin could finally track exactly where Malos was simply because of his totally unique signature on Obrona’s map. Jin didn’t want to call this small group ‘Torna’ but he had little other choice and he concluded that this is what Lora would have wanted -to see her country restored.

_****Light up the night, you’re my dark star** ** _

A fitting name since Torna had no light to bring to the world; but they would light it up with the flames of retribution. It was Jin’s beautiful ideal: a world without humans to sully and destroy what never asked to be abused. No human is without fault, and the unworthy should perish.

Perhaps it was this very mindset that brought Malos back, or perhaps it was ‘chance’ that the Aegis stumbled into the temporary camp the three had set. With such power behind the reformed Torna, they quickly became able to do anything, but Malos suggested they first acquire more members, then a proper base of action -both of which he had leads on.

_****And now you’re falling away** ** _

From what Jin remembers in those cramped inn rooms only meant for one since money was scarce. Malos was swiftly falling away from the hardened blade that on multiple occasions had to act as Jin’s husband on honeymoon for discounts on food and shelter. Jin still remembers those times fondly but when Malos returned, he had changed far too much that the ice blade barely recognised him. He was colder, his eyebrows seemingly fused together. He was harsh with his words and even harsher with his punishments and methods of interrogation.

_****But I found in you what was lost in me** ** _

Because despite everything, Malos was right. Mikhail joined Torna as an official member escaped from Amalthus; they commandeered the Monoceros after it was found floating a few thousand peds under the cloud sea with the help of Pyrithium Divers; and it hit Jin that not only could Mik pilot the Tornan battleship almost immediately, but that Torna had a home. Jin had been thinking too close-minded about what Torna was capable of in the numbers they had. Malos left Jin to allow him to grow in a way he wanted to, without being pushed around. He thought he did pretty well for himself but with Malos back, it becomes clear who the real leader of Torna should be.

_****In a world so cold and empty** ** _

Jin could finally begin his revenge. He didn’t need the world to end to have what he wanted. The cycle of life would continue regardless of people, as it should. Blades never needed people to exist, their purpose carved out by the earliest of humans to serve them. To this manufactured fact, Jin spits on and sets about awakening the world to a new reality, without people.

_****I could lie awake just to watch you breathe** ** _

Because Malos was right there beside him. When he made dinner, Malos bagged the seat next to him. When Mik taught the rest that it was best to pilot the ship with two people, Malos grabbed Jin’s arm to make it clear who he was partnering with. Jin was prone to nightmares of various things in his past and when Malos commented on Jin’s sluggish reflexes after one battle, he had to explain why. This led to Jin pushing his bedroll beside the wall and Malos having his against the opposite side. A deal was made that whenever Jin was suffering, or was simply struggling to fall asleep, Jin could knock on the wall and Malos would come in and lie with him. With a grounding, firm presence -or perhaps something to do with Malos’ destructive powers- Jin always slept better.

_****In the dead of night, you went dark on me** ** _

Only because Jin made an offhand comment about preferring a confident partner rather than what Mik was trying to throw his way. It wasn’t that Mikhail wasn’t suitable, it just became very apparent -especially to Akhos who endlessly teased the two- that Jin had a sizable crush on Malos despite him being different to his memories, he couldn't help it. It didn’t help that he was very quiet whenever Malos was away killing something and when he returned, Jin would give Malos the Mik-labeled ‘Lovesick Maiden’ embrace: Malos barely through the threshold of the Monoceros before Jin would be hugging him and not releasing until a minimum of a minute had passed.

It also didn’t help that once Jin finally confessed his awkwardly stated affections to Malos, the Aegis got such an inflated ego that he started making questionable comments over dinner and other times when Torna members were around. When confronted about it, Malos gave Jin the difficult choice of continuing the way they are, or for Jin to finally give himself up to Malos.

Deciding to let Malos wholly indulge Jin was the best decision he had ever made; with the painful scars left by Lora palmed, licked, kissed by someone else, it was as if he was sharing his pain with someone else and that liberation felt divine. The sex was good too, but that could really only be said for Malos since Jin was most certainly the submissive one in the relationship and Malos was never known for being gentle in anything. However, Jin swears he saw a little of the Malos he used to know when the Aegis made sure to slow his thrusts and pleasure Jin more to ensure a climax that was roughly together.

**_**** _ **

_****Blinded, I can’t do this on my own** ** _

He couldn’t imagine what it would be like if Malos left now. Even if he had watched Lora grow up, the bond he shares with Malos is something wholly new and wholly precious to him and only him. When the Aegis goes out on a mission, Jin now usually accompanies him and as they spend nights round a campfire under the stars, Jin is more than happy to listen to Malos. He talks about a range of things but mostly his world view that is already similar to his and only serves to enhance Jin’s point. Sometimes Malos tells Jin of everything he remembers from his most distant past, stories of a land under the cloud sea, The Architect, and Elysium. Jin is always slow to fall asleep on those nights, wondering if he will ever get to see such sights with the blade he loves…

_****You were all I’ve got, to guide me home** ** _

To a place where Jin feels safe. For him, it was wherever Malos was, but as years pass and tensions between Uraya and Mor Ardain raise, Jin begins to notice Malos changing again. Malos demands that Jin capture more convoys to Indol, taking the chance while Jin is away to leave for weeks on end, returning without a word. Upon becoming a couple, Jin slept in Malos’ room permanently on the Monoceros, but the Aegis removed Jin’s fingerprint as an authorised personnel. When Jin confronted Malos about his change, he had very little to say about it directly but when Jin became so forlorn he thought he would cry, he remembers asking Malos if this was all some kind of joke to which Malos responded: ”I’m nothing but serious”.

_****I could lie awake just to watch you breathe** ** _

And he does, because he’s scared. Jin lies awake just to make sure that Malos isn't in his room, the ice blade not having slept in days. Malos hit Jin as he tried to fight his way inside the room they used to happily share. He has caught glimpses of paperwork with Indol stamps on it lying on his desk and from what Malos used to say about Amalthus, Jin would say his actions are becoming more and more like that man’s. Once more, he doesn’t feel like he knows Malos, having adapted to so many changes with the once compassionate man that picked him up but also let him down just as many times. Jin begins to regress into treasuring his memories of Lora once again- wanting to hold close what was so pure and while she may not like what Torna has become, there is little she can do about it now...

_****In the dead of night you went dark on me…** ** _

**Author's Note:**

> I know the song goes on for a bit longer but it’s just repetition and I didn’t want to drag it out longer than it should. 
> 
> So uhh, did i do it right?  
> I wanted to write more about Jin's past, but add a little sauce in the way it's presented.


End file.
